Love is selfish. We look for it so that we can survive, not so that the one we love can survive. We want the other because they make us happy, because they make us proud, they make us confident. Not because we want to make them happy, that is not the ultimate motivation. We only want to make them happy because satisfying them satisfies ourselves. Or else we wouldn’t do it. And sure, love is chemical and all that. But why would you begin to be attached to another person, biologically, chemically, if it weren’t for your own survival? Yes, love leads to heartbreak which essentially could kill, but that love was still for someone who you allowed to hold your happiness in their hands. And so with heartbreak your chance of happiness died.
But isnt that a problem? That almost all of us can’t live without this other half, this key, which is meant to bring us happiness and give us the illusion of meaning in our lives? We essentially can’t survive without love. We need this companionship to have any strength at all. Sure, some are better on their own than others, but really every single one of us in this world is happier being in love with someone who is also in love with us.
For example. I can make myself coffee with my favorite flavored creamer in the morning. And drink it while scrolling my dash on tumblr. Sure, that moment in itself seems favorable, but there is no substance, no meaning in that, no promising happiness. Because then it’s off to the same busy day with the terrifying stream of conciousness inside your head finding all the negatives in your reality. But if you wake up next to someone you love, and you get up and make coffee for both of you, and talk about, let’s say, the kitchen cabinet that you need to fix, then all of a sudden you’re not just living for yourself. You’re giving yourself to this other person so that you can feel that there is meaning to your existence. The other person’s dependence on you gives your life importance, and making them happy makes you happy. So basically, having coffee with a loved one is happiness, and having coffee on your own is another morning of you waiting for love, waiting for happiness. There is a selfish preference for the former. You are selfish because you want this other ideal person to bring you happiness, and you keep waiting until you find it because it’s the only way you’ll survive. And really, isn’t that all we’re trying to do?